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| Too much alcohol plus girl and guy you've wanted for a long time making passes at you equals lots of making out, inappropriate touching, with a side of regret.
cuz goddammit... if that girl i'm trying really hard to get back with finds out about this, I'm not sure how she'll react. Cuz....yea, all these people are good friends of hers too.
got home good and late, took a moment to reflect on my day and remembered the things that had happened...had one of those 'oh my goodness' moments...and got really glad we didn't take it any further.
and the more i think about it, the more i'm pretty sure that the reason nothing happened beyond the tease point last night is because she knows what a mess things could be with my ex if this gets out.
gah!
What -did- happen was fun though...not gonna lie.
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| So, to put things in perspective, the books i've read leisurely (which explains the short list..i read a lot for school) in 2008 so far:
(well first I finished Haunted by Chuck Palahnuik)
but then i got right to it
On the Road, by Jack Kerouac
Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, by Tom Wolfe (one and a half times)
and I just finished reading Ken Kesey's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest
and I dare say I've never read so many good books in such a short time. There should be a class taught on these four like..in order of when they're written...the way i read them worked nicely (cuz i had read stranger in a strange land before) but i think i might've gotten something different from electric koolaid had i read kesey's book first.
if you don't know what i mean when i say these books should be taught together, i mean this: stranger in a strange land and one flew over the cuckoo's nest are books written by people who lived and wrote and inspired the people who are the muses for on the road and electric kool-aid. The whole beat generation thing..i dunno, electric kool-aid really ties these three books together. but anyway, on the road is pretty much centered on Kerouac and Neal Cassady's fun times in the 40s, electric kool aid acid test is pretty much ken kesey and friends, including neal cassady again, official driver of the bus that became a symbol of the 60s.
stranger in a strange land is a fiction-y fiction with a great story filled with sociological nuggets of insight, and was a book that kesey and his gang had an affinity for. on the road gave a good history of cassady, and what the road was like before the action of electric kool aid, and one flew over the cuckoo's nest is the book that made kesey what he was, and pretty much made his shenanigans possible...so yea..these books are pretty linked.
i dunno, i guess i just enjoy my self-learning through all this stuff...the book gives me the story, the internet fills in the gaps..and oftentimes the book leads me to the next book i want to read..or my talking about the book leads me (which is how i got from on the road to electric kool-aid) it wasn't until i got into wolfe's book that i realized stranger in a strange land actually fit into the sequence..i thought at first that it was just a book that needed to be re-read after seeing across the universe...
which really linked these books even more..seein' as they all have their influence in the film's look, feel, time-period, references..etc etc etc..
so...yeah. if you like america and its countercultures, you should totally read these books and if nothing else..see across the universe
next up:
moby dick
a book so many people know, but so few (i know) have actually read. but many an author's interview i've come across mention melville as a influence or a favorite of theirs..so i figure its worth a read. its like..a classic ain't it?
after that?
whatever floats my boat
(heh..get it?)
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| started off nicely, with a spur of the moment visit to my gf's house right after my last final before going home.
but after that things just went down hill.
i wrote her everyday for a while, until she was being quiet...too quiet. and eventually told me that she was straight. (which i'm not so sure i believe...but she's been talking to her ex bf...so...yea, i'll blame it on him)
besides her, which is really the thing thats just tips the boat over..there's my mother's wedding, in less than a month now. and the fact that my dad now lives in the same town as my ex best friend/girl friend person...weird.
this summer is just weird.
i had an environmental/political/economical crisis for a while, but once i solved that i had to deal with katie (most recent) stephen (the one before her) and jodi (the one before him)...and not to mention my parents, grandparents, step-parents, and all the parents of bratty kids at the arcade i work at.
i want to say that the only thing keeping me sane is the renaissance faire..but that's not really true. i'm only 'sane' because of the music i play, the music i listen to, and biking as much as possible.
i have a cat now. thanks to my father's having moved into a townhouse which was strict about only having two cats. . . at first i thought she liked it, but i think the small space is getting to her now that she's not so freaked about not being where she was before...what sucks is that this isn't permanent...as i'm moving back to peoria in less than a month... which is exciting...cuz i am sooo ready for summer to be over.
i just hope i can win back my gf... ><
the only thing is i'm not sure if its worth the effort...i mean...i'd be having a nice summer i think if i wasn't so stuck on her..and the whole thing started because she made a move..and then took it back later after about two months or so... just to go running back to her ex bf
i think i deserve better?
but i'm kinda still crazy about her...
so i don't know...i guess i'll see what happens when we're back at school doing things day by day instead of week by week.
*sigh*
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| That Katie broke up with me.
apparently she's straight.
which y'know... didn't really surprise me.
I just wish she would've told me sooner.
instead of sitting on it for so long.
leaving me in silence for most of the summer.
I just want her to know
that it might take me some time
to stop loving her.
on the bright side
faire starts this weekend
and this year...for the first year...
i'm single.
so i can do whatever the fuck i want.
...
woo?
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| Dear World,
In regards to your question, "How's it going?" I would like to say more than just "Fine, and yourself?"
Sitting in the ticket booth at my arcade job, I get asked that question a lot, in the rhetorical manner, the salutational manner. I'd love to respond with, "Well, customer, not so great. You see, not only am I talking to you through this pane of glass with a little hole at the bottom and a microphone and speaker that are broken, but I'm stuck back here, for 6-8 hour shifts, and I can't leave save for the 30 min a day they let me out to get food (if they remember). And its not only that, dear customer, if you didn't think it was bad enough to be locked in a room for several hours, I have to deal with people like you, who come up here to my window, and treat me like I'm a fucking machine. Half the time you don't even acknowledge that I am there. Just because there is glass between us does not mean I cannot see you, or hear you. And I don't need you coming up in here and yelling at me for our policies of not accepting $100 bills, or for something costing too much for your liking. Because trust me, if I was the bigshot, it wouldn't cost that much, and its not very nice to go waving that $100 bill around in the face of a kid making less than minimum wage who's trying to get through school. Here's your tokens, here's your change, now grab your 2.5 kids, get your head out of your ass, get out of my face, and go have some goddamn fun."
But you see, thats just not something I can say.
Along with these things, which I have begun writing on sheets of paper while I'm at work:
Things I shouldn't say
"Excuse me sir, did you know that your beard is crooked?"
"Miss, is that your natural hair color?"
"Are you pregnant?"
"Thats not your kid I hope."
"Aren't you a little too old for that?"
"Why are you touching him like that?"
"Future drug dealers of America..."
"mmmmmmmmmilf"
"Compensating for something?"
"...there's a phone on your head."
"Black bra, white shirt...really?"
"Its fun to watch fat kids run and get onto rides."
"That purse is fake, I hope you know that."
"Graceful 'little' thing"
"Thats a cute baby, can I have it?"
"Is that coke on your nose?"
"So...which eye am I supposed to be looking at?"
"Ma'am, please don't kick your baby."
"Did your shirt come like that?"
"Is it dead?"
"XYZ"
"Why are you wearing that?"
"Uhm...You're not 15 anymore."
"If you are committing credit card fraud on me right now, I'm gonna hunt you down and pee on you while you sleep."
"Wow, you've really let yourself go since this ID pic was taken..."
Some of these are a little....harsh, perhaps. But that's why they are things I shouldn't say.....and sometimes its very hard not to. But lately I've been getting rather good at biting my tongue, courtesy of family drama.
So, world, let me tell you, I'm really fine, really. I just wish that, if you were polite enough to ask the question, you would wait for me to answer your question before you move on to tell me what you really want. This half ass shit has got to go.
Sincerely,
Melissa
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